I am all of jealousy and rage

I am all of jealousy and rage
My soul is caught in sorrow and bitterness 
Selfish and unsatisfied
My pride tis all in which I confide

All round me I see it, I feel it
Others dreams others joy
But none rests within me

Why can't I rejoice in others happiness 
Why must I rage in my own discontent 
I am all undone, outstretched, and miserable

Wishing to understand
Wanting to be understood 
For this whoever I am

Can't recall anymore 
For oft in me
This me I adore
And this me I abhor

Where lies release
Is there still hope
That peace may find in me
Pure joy untainted 

Where might the dawn break
Ist still there courage in me to awake
That will stand up and fight
Despite the weight of it all

Will this love I know
Ne'er oft truly show
Bring life and refreshment
To my soul

I long to find contentment
I eagerly await thy pleasant presence
To fill me

How shall I love
When all I feel is rage
When bitterness and envy
War within this cage

I long to fly from this place
To find some respite
Yet where

Only you are there
In this heartbeat 
In this prayer
Bring hope 
Amidst my despair

Repair this heart that is broken
When all lies as waste before me
So bring love and joy
And a peace that will satisfy

When all within me is
Sin and shame
I pray I may find favor
And rest in thy holy
And fearsome name

-Joshua Lee Foist