Why do I care so much

Why do I care so much
What is it in their approval
That matters
Why must such contentment
Be wrapped up in them

When has it ever been
That I was truly satisfied
In the approval of men
It is fleeting
As a vapor
Hardly felt
And before long
Is gone
And we are left to ourselves
Distant, desperate, and despairing

Your silence is cold
Your eyes are frozen
In contempt
They tear through my veins
Their poison remains
It lingers awhile
How it has overcome
And so I am undone

Joy is released
And replaced
With sorrow
That aches
It taunts
It teases
It tortures
This tender soul

How it mocks
And muses
It refuses to relinquish
Until it is drunk
On the despair
It brings to its victims

Why must it be so
Why does such hatred exist
What misfortune
Did bring one to such a place
To lose all love of life
And fall from such grace

Though I have allowed it
Some residence here
To steal my joy
I do not employ its benefit
But rather pity
Its pain
I pray it will not remain

But I shall flee
This trap
It shall not engage me long
Soon will I burst forth
With song
And return to the joy I once knew
That love I did so eagerly pursue

With all purpose and zeal
I will pursue it
I will not hold back
Nor be overcome
With doubts
Of anyone

This is my most earnest desire
That I may live to inspire
Every breath that I breathe
Every impulse I engage
Would be for this one single purpose
To glory in the one
I most dearly love
And seek only this approval
Though every fear is tested
And every fiber invested
It is always and only
For this one

-Joshua Lee Foist