I Asked For Patience and Perseverance

I asked for patience and perseverance
And then was greatly troubled
Nothing seemed to happen
It was as if nothing I desired
Was given to me
Where was patience and perseverance
This was not what I had desired
Was it
Was this what I was meant to feel

I felt like a great vacuum
Inside of me had sucked all life
All hope all longing and desire
All was gone
I could hardly breathe
When at last I did
It took great trouble and pain

All my energy was invested
But nothing was gained
Only sorrow and loneliness
Surely this could not be
I desired joy
How could I rejoice in this
What satisfaction was there in this

I felt betrayed
By that which I had so much
Trusted in
Perhaps indeed this was my sin
I had let it draw me in
It had preyed upon my weakness
As a poison it slowly and steadily
Stripped me of all joy
My strength was leaving me
I had nothing to defend it
All was lost

And then
Through the shadow
I saw a very dim light
Barely visible
Yet I could feel it
Its source of life
Its power

For an instant
I longed to be near it
For it to fill me
To fill these cold veins
And heal this scarred
Soul
Oh, that it would take control
That it would breathe
New life
Into this body

And then, as if it had known my thoughts
I began to feel its touch
As one who consumed
And pricked with chills
So was it's touch
But it was warm
Consuming
Satisfying
I longed to remain in it
Wishing it would never leave
Not knowing how I was so
Privy to its power
Yet pleading it would
Never cease
Indeed here
Was peace

At last
I started to see
That what I had so pleaded
And prayed had not abandoned
Or strayed
This was the very thing
For which I had hoped
Such patience and perseverance
Had brought with it
Such hope....and JOY

I was revived
It was as if at last
I was able to breathe
And draw in such
Deepness and fullness
Of life and being
Such purpose
Was realized
In this One
Who had come

As my thoughts
Reflected back
On where I had been
I saw such sorrow
Had been wrought
From sin
And yet
It was this One
Who had bought me
With the Life
Of His only Son

Somehow I am still much amazed
How was I ever found to be
Worthy of such a life as this
Now can I only praise
And gaze upon
That which is so lovely
No shame is found
In this
No sin
In such infatuation
Such fullness
Such bliss
Always
Satisfied
Always
Faithful
To its own
Tis such love
That has brought
Sinners home

-Joshua Lee Foist